Hi Buck, I have a few more questions..should I be looking for non-binary individuals, instead? Some FTM men in online community’s state that anyone interested in the above is a ‘chaser’ or admirer and is just objectifying what they consider to be a medical condition/ disease. This logic was quite shocking to me as I have never thought of men that are transgender as being any different (let alone a medical condition) than any other man other than the fact that they ‘may’ have a different body or genitalia make up than me. I suspect those men that reacted that way have no desire to use their genitalia or want to have SRS bottom surgery so its offensive to them that someone wants a part of their body that they, themselves do not want.
Where I am coming from/ why I am asking:
although I am gay and am a total top, anal sex is a BIG turn off for me ☹. As you can imagine that leaves a lot to be desired for both parties. I discovered there are some men that are transgender that do not have dysphoria or discomfort with their biological genitalia and enjoy being penetrated by their partner. Of course there are other men that have no desire to use that part of their body when bottoming and only will engage in anal while others only perform as tops using toys, etc. *I know there are other things that can be done in the bedroom besides penetrative sex but I want to have the emotional intimacy and closeness that one gets with sex and those other things just don’t cut it. I know some men use hookup apps and are straightforward but I have no desire to hookup as emotional connections are important in my relationship before sex so I am looking for a long-term relationship, But I do not want to go into a relationship with my own expectations, just to find out that after we both fall in love (hopefully) that we are not sexually compatible. I am on online gay dating communities and have found men that are transgender or non-binary & transmasculine that I am very interested in but this fear of incompatibility and offending them is holding me back from contacting them. *these men are not on your dating site (I have been a member there) or on other FTM & admirer friendly sites. Any help or criticism is truly appreciated.

Anonymous, Total Top


Hi again, Total Top!

To be attracted to a type and that includes trans men/FTM is not a fetish and the trans people who say that sex phobic and create a block for us. They are scaring cisgender people to be attracted to us. I disagree 100% with what they say and you should too.
Again if a transman/FTM is on a hook up site then they are wantig sex and so they will not or should not be acting as if you are fetsishizing them. Period. You are not responsible for how people feel about themselves.
So I would say just go for it. Use what I told you above, have respect for the guys and I am pretty sure you will all have a great time.
With gratitude,
 Subscribe to FTM Magazine