That has got to be the most popular and most widely wondered about topic. Every time I get close to a cisgender guy or gal who feel comfortable asking their deepest burning questions, it’s that one.

How do I get my rock soft? How does sex work when it’s not ‘penis’ and vagina’ (though sometimes it still is in queer couples).

My mother and closest friends ask out of concern for me. Will I be able to achieve sexual satisfaction?

Some people ask me because they’re curious for themselves whether they could sleep with me. I mean, I’m dashingly handsome, you know. And who doesn’t love to try something new. I welcome this kind of attention, where overly sexualizing should not be thought of as common practice among us. Mirroring the terms others use to describe themselves is a powerful tool.

When it’s about curiosity, I’ve been trained as an educator to handle difficult questions and expand to encompass more than just an answer about myself, so I say this:

“Great question, thank you for feeling like you were in a safe space to ask a question that would otherwise be inappropriate. For me personally, I have had growth of my clitoris (the female penis?) to the point where it’s able to perform some insertion. Not a horribly big amount, 1.5-2 inches average, unless you’re a porn star. Yes, we have those too.

When it comes to sexuality I feel like our models are all wrong. We’re working toward the understanding of sexuality, sex, and gender being three different components of ourselves. The next conversation to be having is the energies we’re attracted to (masculine and feminine on two separate spectrums and not polarized ends).

As well as:

We all have ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ nerve endings that cause orgasm. Which one do you like and which one do you not? aka… Are you a top or bottom or both or neither? Because those terms are not just for gay men, we all have the same desires.

I work closely with my partner to make sure both of our needs are met and we have a collection of attachments and bedroom toys that scratch other itches.

I would definitely invite you to think of your own anatomy and how you use it for pleasure. These ideas aren’t specific for trans men.”


I would like to continue to make the articles I write free for readers. Would you guys mind sharing this if you found it helpful and becoming a member if you’ve got the money. Keeps my job a thing.

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