For Those Without Supportive Parents

Sometimes I think that I should've never been born or wished my mother didn't have me. Maybe it would make my dad's life easier. | Dustin Llamas

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Coming out can be the hardest thing you ever do, whether it’s coming out as gay, bisexual, transgender, and so on. Coming out isn’t a term  I would use but most use it. I believe it’s not coming out it’s becoming yourself, you’ve probably heard it before but hey, it’s true.

For me I had to actually come out about three times. Everyone has a different experience with coming out; some could experience their parent(s) supporting and loving them for who they are. Others could experience their parent(s) already knowing. Which isn’t bad either (well I’d hope it isn’t, i wouldn’t know). I got the third reaction.

The third and final one I’ll be talking about is probably one of the worst reactions you can from coming out is when your parent(s) don’t accept you, where they tell you some things like “God doesn’t make mistakes” or “God didn’t make you gay, why would you chose this life?” ‘You know you will never be an actual guy/girl, right?” I’ll tell you how me coming out went for me: my mom thought I was joking. It was the day I moved out of her home.I did eventually move back in due to the fact I had nowhere else to go.

The second time I came out was to my dad and his current girlfriend. I had come out to her first, worst thing i’ve could of done. When I told her i thought I could trust her, she had been so nice to me that I didn’t think she would say what she did, she looked me dead in the face and said, “No matter how hard you try, No matter how many hormones, surgeries you have or taken you will NEVER be a man.”

My world was shattered. That night I planned to end my life, I got drunk,and did some things that lead to more scars on my arm. I told my dad to take me to get help but he said “No. You just need to stop being so dramatic.”

Sometimes I think that I should’ve never been born or wished my mother didn’t have me. Maybe it would make my dad’s life easier.

The most recent thing my dad told me is “You were Destiny first..” he and I were talking about his tattoo idea. I didn’t want it to upset me so much but it did. Why? What happens when i’m not Destiny anymore? My mom hasn’t been any better, she kind of makes jokes about it, it hurts more than you think, “You don’t have a penis yet so why are you acting like you do?”   

For those of you who have parents who support them in anything you do, hold on to them. So many people would kill to have parents like that, I would too. I’m okay with having parents who aren’t supportive or people who think I can’t do this, but when I do, they will see. They will see Destiny is gone and isn’t coming back, she is and always will be a part of me, I love her. She was shy and awkward, but now she’s in my past now. Dustin is who I am becoming, I will never be her again. When you come out as transgender it’s not that side of you dies, it’s just you putting it behind you to begin something new. Even if you were to go stealth. When I first came out I wanted to kill Destiny completely off. But now I’m okay with where I started and I know where I’m going to end up. If you just think you can do it you are more than likely to get there. Yes it’s going to take time but there is hope, just don’t give up. You may have even had your downfalls but just pull through, you will get where you need to be one day.